Saturday, November 17, 2007
sometimes i really feel so irritated up..! i wanna to leave the house ..really wan!! so many things happen..its already three years le..everyday i face tis problem between my parents...cannot don bother..but bother. sometimes really wanna to just leave the home ..!everyday come home..surely got thing happen de..cant let mi have one day of peace...house is in a total mess lo..wanna to save also don noe how..ppl say i have a very good family..its all craps la!..last time yea..but after tat incident..everything changes...and i mean EVERYTHING..the bonding between us breaks..our communication break down..we have to bargin for days of having family day..home like not a home at all..everyday quarrel onli...now i also got phobia of ppl shouting all thanks to them..my lovely parents..they just cant understand how mi and my sis feel...yea..they did try to resolve and solving it themselve but end up they solve nothing instead making it worst...end up also need mi and sis de help...especially my mum...i don noe how to talk to her anymore..last time we still can talk as friends ,joke around...now leh...everything she say is about daddy daddy..then start complainting..then always let mi be the middle person..then also tell lies between them..always have to say different story when i am telling them things..SUPER ANGRY. AND DISPPOINTED.. so tired of it i just wanna to help her from her depression because i noe she suffer alot..for the pass few years but everytime i say her..she will say she noe i hate her,avoid her..onli noe how to scold her,things like tat..wat the hell..sometimes the things she say really hurt mi deeply..just tat i never mention..always use sucide to solve things..if it wanting to commit sucide really can solve matters..then i think mi and my sis will be the first one jumping off the building ar.. just like today....i came home early because i was damn tired. after a long day...then daddy jio mi go watch movie together with mummy and siang..i was looking forward to it..cause its been very long since we last watch movie together le.. despite feeling tired..i say ok...i still spent time asking around how to book ticket online..END UP LEH..quarrel again..over such a pathetic little thing about watching movie.then i say.."don watch le la..watch one movie also like tat..fu ck la.." mummy come say.."you and daddy go watch la..he nv invite mi..i don wanna to go watch,he change le"...understood rite..go watch together means she included rite...then i ask her go out..then not to touch mi..how come..where is my happy family i use to happy...where is all the laughter and joy we use to have in the pass..going out together as a family..taking lots of pictures...going genting together..parents always stress mi,i don wan to explain wat they ask mi to do la.but i am feeling weak..i have to more strength to take the task of holding the family together anymore..things cant turn back to the pass anymore..i knew it..everyone tat noe wat happen will noe it..i just wan some peace in my life...and a parents tat will noe how to think and not using their life to threaten their own daughter..and saying words tat hurt them.. how many times have i been in and out of the hospital..countless of times le wor.enough le..i am scare le..
12:33 AM
